Funny Jokes
Beautiful?
There was a lawyer and he was just
waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side.
His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You're beautiful!” and then he fell
asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side.
A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You're cute!” Well,
the wife was dissapointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.” She
said “What happened to ‘beautiful’? His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”
Traffic Lights
Q: Why does a traffic light turn
red?
A: If you had to change in front of everyone, you'd turn red, too.
A: If you had to change in front of everyone, you'd turn red, too.
Children in the backseat can cause accidents.
Accidents in the backseat can cause children.
Black Eyes
Black Eyes
A guy with two black eyes walks into church one Sunday. The priest notices him and is very concerned.
"What happened, my child?"
"I was singing in the choir, Father, and I noticed that the girl in front of me had a wedgie. So I pulled it out, and she punched me in the eye."
"Okay. But how did you get the other black eye?"
"Well, I thought I'd done something wrong. So I put her wedgie back."
Honeymoon
Making a Good Impression
"What happened, my child?"
"I was singing in the choir, Father, and I noticed that the girl in front of me had a wedgie. So I pulled it out, and she punched me in the eye."
"Okay. But how did you get the other black eye?"
"Well, I thought I'd done something wrong. So I put her wedgie back."
Honeymoon
An elderly couple decided to celebrate their 50th anniversary
in the same hotel and city where they spent their honeymoon. Before the
act, he excused himself and went to loo and after a while came out
laughing loudly.
''On our first night," the woman said, "you did the same thing and came out laughing. At the time, I was too embarrassed to ask what you were laughing about. Can you explain?"
''On that night while urinating, I made the roof wet. Today my shoes are wet."
''On our first night," the woman said, "you did the same thing and came out laughing. At the time, I was too embarrassed to ask what you were laughing about. Can you explain?"
''On that night while urinating, I made the roof wet. Today my shoes are wet."
Making a Good Impression
Don't Say This to Your New Girlfriend's Parents...
1. My parole officer thinks Sara has a calming effect on me.
2. Did you see that saucer that flew over town yesterday?
3. Which one of you taught Sara to give such great head?
4. Can you believe it! Those idiots at the corner market won't cash my welfare check!
5. We're going to keep our relationship quiet for now. My wife can be rather vindictive at times.
6. Those home pregnancy kits aren't very reliable in my opinion.
7. Sara is so pretty I've decided to give up being bisexual just for her.
8. Nice place you got here. That painting looks expensive. I bet a nice home like this came with a safe already built in, didn't it?
9. There ain't nothing that beats that great feeling of knowing your HIV test results are negative! I bet Sara's will be okay too.
10. Can I pull my car into your garage? I'm not sure how long that cop car will stay lost.
2. Did you see that saucer that flew over town yesterday?
3. Which one of you taught Sara to give such great head?
4. Can you believe it! Those idiots at the corner market won't cash my welfare check!
5. We're going to keep our relationship quiet for now. My wife can be rather vindictive at times.
6. Those home pregnancy kits aren't very reliable in my opinion.
7. Sara is so pretty I've decided to give up being bisexual just for her.
8. Nice place you got here. That painting looks expensive. I bet a nice home like this came with a safe already built in, didn't it?
9. There ain't nothing that beats that great feeling of knowing your HIV test results are negative! I bet Sara's will be okay too.
10. Can I pull my car into your garage? I'm not sure how long that cop car will stay lost.
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